A story

  

This morning I saw a homeless man begging by the exit of Shop Rite in Vernon.   It brought me back to a day 40 some years ago when I was sitting in the front seat of a car next to my Dad.  We were driving up Main St, by Center Springs park and homeless man was walking down the sidewalk.  He had a long, scraggly beard, stringy long hair and a generally disheveled appearance.  Dad pointed him out to me and said “You don’t recognize him, do you?”  “No.”  I probably sounded appalled that I should know this person.  My father then said quietly, “That’s Ray M.” After a moment he added “There but for the grace of God…” 

Ray had been voted most likely to succeed in high school.  Incredibly handsome, very popular; and sadly, an alcoholic.  Probably 15 years earlier, he and my Dad were drinking buddies. 

I turned and look at my Dad.  Clean shaven except for the meticulously kept narrow moustache, collared button-down shirt and pressed jeans.  Hair neatly combed, impeccably put together.  I could not imagine him as a disheveled homeless man.  How did he escape it?

Love.  Faith, AA.

He adored Mom, my sister and me.  He believed in God and Jesus.  He went for help to AA and found a path to sobriety.

We had bad years, tough years and a hard time getting through it all, but by my mid-twenties we had reached a point in our lives where we accepted each other and Dad realized that I wasn’t going to be the worst of him redux.  I wasn’t going to be his worst fears.  I forgave him the disease and doubt in me. 

I’m having a tough time with grief lately.  George’s death was the last straw and I’ve been struggling with a broken heart.  Too many losses in the last nine months have me hurting.  I go from being fine to crying in an instant. This is normal.  Part of the process.  

I have adopted a wonderful woman as my daughter.  She has 3 beautiful, wonderful children that I claim as my grandchildren.  She's been very concerned for me, and today stopped by after work to "check up on me."   I am blessed.

When I am upset, Tyson and Blackie snuggle up close and Trippy comes to sit in front of me and stare at me, sometimes leaping into my lap to wrap his paws around my neck.  I am so lucky to have these wonderful fur babies.  

In time, I will be better.